some people are sick and twisted
by tophagain
Summary: A random thought after nearly hacking up a lung in response to Katara fan art.
1. Chapter 1

my pen name (tophagain) has a very weird story behind it. I won't tell it. Instead, enjoy this random thing.

Toph was never one to look upwards, or really to look anywhere at all. So when a large box with the return adress "ur biggest fanz! :)" plumeted out of the sky, she was extremely confused. Not only had it suddenly appeared in the radius of her feet's vision, it presumably had something big in it. Toph hesitated only a second before tearing the top open. She was puzzling over what the strange contraption inside could be when a voice behind her announced the arrival of a certain airbender.

"Hey, Toph! Whatcha got there?" She nearly blasted him into the trees.

"I told you to stop doing that!" ,she yelled, "I've already had enough things popping out of the sky today."

Through her random fumbling she had managed to press a button on the side of the rectangular object. Sokka and Zuko were returning from there excursion, with Katara following behind them. They crowded around the sleek object on Toph's lap. On the standing up surface of what we non-avatar characters know as a laptop was a word, followed by a thin rectangle.

"Goggle?" Sokka read, confused.

"No, you idiot, GOOGLE" said Katara. "Iroh told me about that, it's a searcher of sorts. These square things have been showing up all over the place, and they all have it. You search things on it."

She promptly snatched the afore mentioned square thing off of Toph's lap, earning an indignant outburst and a punch on the arm. In the little rectangle, she carefully prodded the letter-labeled keys to spell her name. Row after row of pictures came up.

"Hey, I look pretty cool!" she reported. "I remember that... Hey, look at this!"

Picture after picture of Katara sat in obvious evidence of her large fanbase.

"This one's kinda weird... ACK!"

Katara thrust the computer away, panting and coughing.

"that. is. disgusting."

"Can I see?" Sokka asked, intrigued.

"NO"

Katara had yet to recover from her gagging fit and nearly splattered her lunch across the ground.

"You people are lucky. What's the picture, anyway?" Toph complained. Her inability to read or see things on paper was often a real nusiance.

"Guys?"

The three males had joined Katara in her naseous state. Toph, unsure of what to do, walked away. They'd be fine eventually.


	2. Sokka's evil plan begins

You should never, under any circumstances, allow Sokka access to the internets. ever. There is a reason for this.

The past day's retching had subsided (after looking at pictures of kittens, which is actually quite theraputic), but Toph had not yet returned. She was very busy shoving some guy out a window. His defenetration was duly deserved. The guy had made some remarks that were quite uncalled for... and the end result would probably scar him for life.

Toph was very good at scarring people for life.

But whether or not the perpetrator ended up babbling in a straight jacket is not what was most concerning to the world. Sokka had internet access. And Sokka was determined to use this to his own evil devices.

"alright, little... magic picture thingy. You're going to tell me what I want to hear, and nobody gets hurt." Sokka jabbed his finger into the screen to illustrate his point. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Many technology induced headaches later, Sokka was on the internet. More specifically, the very fanfiction forum you are reading now. "Let's get cracking!" Sokka entered Katara as the main character and went to work.

Soon the paper next to him was covered in words. Katara and Aang, Katara and Zuko, Katara and Iroh (what?), Katara and Jet... the list went on and on. All of these people had one thing in common. They had all been paired with Katara. Sokka was deeply disturbed, the list being extremely extensive. It included almost every male (and some female) human being he had met! Something had to be done. And if anyone was to it, Sokka was the one.


	3. Chapter 3

If you recall, Sokka has used the internets to his own evil devices. On a completely different note, Toph has been busy defenestrating people. For those of you suffering from Toph withdrawl (severe or otherwise), despair no more, as she returns in this chapter.

Toph could feel the massive boulder in front of her, the last landmark on her way back. She wouldn't have minded a few more rounds of "out the window" but she was hungry. And apparently, threatening resturant managers is not the way to get food. She trudged the final few steps towards the house (they had upgraded from a campsite) and a loud voice called out at her. "STATE YOUR NAME AND BUSINESS!" screamed Sokka from behind a bush. His face was decorated, nay, bedazzled, with what was supposed to be war paint. Toph propelled him out of the bushes with a pillar of earth and replied, "Toph Beifong, kicking your sorry backside. What are you supposed to be doing?" Sokka glanced back and forth. "yeah, you can come in, but don't let any of _them _come inside." Like much he said, this statement made no sense whatsoever. Katara was shouting back at him. "You can't let them sleep outside! Besides, Aang is my boyfriend! You can't just kick them out!" Sokka was muttering something about fanfics and disgusting and a few choice words I can't mention. Toph continued inside. When she asked Katara what was going on, this is what she gathered:

Sokka had read something called a "fanfiction" (or possibly multiples) and found that the internet has some strange thoughts about Katara. He had devised some sort of hare-brained scheme to keep all males at least 50 feet of Katara at all times. Including Twinkletoes, much to the dismay of Katara. Zuko and Aang were to be kept at least 70 feet away, due to something about "rated M, I can't really tell you" and Katara was chained to a wall.

Zuko was knocking on the door. "Hello? I think I left my condition- I mean, shampoo here..." In the bushes, Sokka ran some simple calculations. Zuko = knocking on doors. knocking on doors = wants inside. inside = Katara. Katara + Zuko = Zutara. Zutara = KILL! Sokka leapt from the shrubbery and tackled Zuko around the knees. He was babbling nonsensically about fanfics and zutara and restraining orders and possibly conditioner.

Inside the house, Toph and Katara were doing some emergency research on the laptop. "Bingo." Katara read the section aloud to Toph. She opened the window. "HEY, SOKKA!" yelled Toph, "YOU KNOW THERE ARE SOME FANFICS PAIRING YOU AND KATARA, RIGHT?!" Sokka was silent as his one-way brain processed this fact.

Sokka slept outside that night.


End file.
